For about the past month and a half I have been having eye issues again. If you have been reader of mine since the beginning you already know about my past eye issues. I was finally released from the retina doctor and then new things started happening in my ‘good’ eye this past July.
You would be amazed at how much stuff has to happen just right inside your eyes for you see clearly. If one tiny thing gets out of whack you can see all kinds of odd things.
In July it was lightning flashes, then a grey shadow and today add to that a clump of black floating bubbles to go along with the black floating spider webs, shadows, glowing and the blind spot that I have become accustom to in my other eye.
Some days I struggle to keep away panic attacks as I try hard to see past the odd things going on in my eye. One eye was pretty scary but I could take comfort in knowing I had a spare eye. Now that my spare has an issue it is a whole harder for me to deal with. Sometimes I find myself wondering if one day I might not have the blessing of seeing all this crazy stuff floating around and instead see only darkness. When I start thinking like that I have to yank back all the pity party invitations and choose to see joy through the mess of stuff that seems to be tangled up inside my retina trying to block the view.
Breathe in ‘Jesus is Lord’ breathe out, ‘Lord give me peace’
The other day my husband Mark and I were driving down the interstate on a beautiful sunny day. As we were driving along Mark said, “Look at the rainbow!” I looked in front of us and there it was, right in the middle of a sunshiny day a magnificent rainbow! We both wondered if maybe it was raining up ahead. As we drove I noticed lightning flashing around the rainbow and said “yes it must be raining up there, look at all that lightning!” My husband looked and said, “I do not see any lightning.” I looked again, again I saw lightning, he did not. Suddenly it dawned on me that I had finally became so used to the lightning flashes in my eye that I could see through them most of the time, so much so, that when I did see them I thought they were real lightning! I am not sure when it happened but like each new thing that has happened inside my retina eventually I had gotten used to the lightning also. I thank God because without him I am not sure if that could have ever happened or that I could have had peace in all this.
So today I see bubbles and as I cling to God and try hard to push down the panic I think of the rainbow and how I am thankful. Each day is a blessing and I do not want to ruin this day by worrying about tomorrow, though at times I find myself wanting to see ahead, wishing so bad that God would give me a tiny glimpse of the plan. All I can do is take comfort in the fact that he has never left me before. He has always given me peace and strength I need to keep on going and I have always came out in the end thankful and blessed by the outcome. Today I will trust.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Thank you for reading,
As I was writing this I noticed this song playing on my radio and thought how perfect! Enjoy – You Never Let Go by Matt Redman
*The “The Breathe Prayer” I said in this post was something a friend told me about a long time ago, so I am not trying to take credit for writing it, I say it all the time and it works :) Breathe in ‘Jesus is Lord’ breathe out, ‘Lord give me peace’ If it belongs to you let me know and I will add your name to this post to make sure you get credit :)